Posts in Oh Shit You're Boring
Oh shit, you’re thirsty.

Perhaps what unites us all is not having a great comeback for pushy, street salespeople who lead with questions like, “Do you care about clean energy and women’s rights and orphan orangutans and saving the neighborhood and also bees?” Cue: Yes, um, I do care, but I’m late for a meeting and, I actually donated to your organization over the holidays, um I’M NOT A BAD PERSON BYE.

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Oh shit, you’re overly-formal.

There are loads of impressive statistics about how emotions influence consumer buying behavior, but since this isn’t the beginning of a 90s term paper, we won’t open with a stat. Now that the intro is over, though, here’s one. A few years ago, the most-shared post on The New Yorker was a humor piece. In fact, it had double the shares of any other post that year. Double.

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Oh shit, you’re dated.

Hello 911? Yes, a major brand just used “bae” on a billboard. Please send someone as fast as you can I’m really scared. Nothing is more ineffective than businesses trying to seem “cool and fun” by forcing themselves to implement pop culture references and slang into their messaging.

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Oh shit, your language is cliche.

You know how when you were little and trying to get your mom’s attention while she was busy, you’d be all, “Mom. Mom. mom. MOM. MAMA. Mommy. Mooooom,” and somehow, despite your volume, she’d completely ignore you? That’s a lot like trying to speak to your customers with cliche, industry-tired language.

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