The One-Liner Challenge: Regular ‘ol gyms

Over the weekend we overheard a woman say, “We’re each other’s #fitspo.” There’s not enough time to possibly unpack that statement or what has happened to the world that brought us to this dark place, but it DID help inspire our next One-Liner Challenge: CRUSTY OLD GYMS.

As in the standard, classic, OG gyms of yore—like, Gold’s Gym, Planet Fitness, Powerhouse, and every local gym with rows of dusty ellipticals. Mildly-fun fact: We actually work out at one of these gyms and we LOVE it. For everything it, isn’t.

The question, of course, is: in the land of soul cycling, pure barring, and orange theory-ing, how can a regular ‘ol gym even compete? So we gave ourselves an hour and brainstormed some funny one-liners that they could use to appeal to people fatigued by the boutique, over-hyped, pricey gyms that have taken over.

The rules, as a refresher:

  • 1 brand or product
  • A firestorm of one-liner campaign concepts
  • Humor + fun = weapons of choice (duh)
  • All concocted in under one hour
  • Based solely off of the brief benefits they list on their home page or packaging. (Hell, we only have an hour, ok?? THERE’S NO TIME FOR A LARGER STRATEGY THAN THAT.)
  • Play fast and loose
  • Do your best
  • Trying and bombing is better than never trying at all
  • All’s fair in a creative ideation dump
  • Champions never cry

The 18 that made the cut. (RIP the 50+ we didn’t let in the party.)

  1. Fitness that won’t cost you your firstborn.
  2. You say “Just a gym,” like it’s a bad thing.
  3. Sweat for the self-love, not the likes.
  4. Where your sleeveless, sideless muscle tank is always in fashion.
  5. Cut out the middleman (and the grippy socks).
  6. Lift heavy things, don’t pay heavy prices.
  7. A gym that will make over your body not take over your conversations.
  8. Some people need black lights, intense music, and preachy instructors to get in shape. Not you.
  9. No false hype was harmed in the making of this fitness center.
  10. Hours as flexible as you’re about to become.
  11. Full service, not over-filled classes.
  12. The gym for self-starters.
  13. More muscle, less hassle.
  14. Throw your weight around.
  15. Be a gym rat without the gym rat race.
  16. A gym where people just workout? Now, that’s a novel idea.
  17. Around here we pump iron, not your ego.
  18. Gym mirror selfies included free with membership.

*Fog horn*